Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
