It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
