So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
