I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
