so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
