I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
