i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
God, I missed his penis.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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