Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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