billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
