There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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