so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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