it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
