love makes seman taste better
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
