man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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