May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
