So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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