Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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