Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
