someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
