his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
