We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize