So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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