I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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