true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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