I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
