last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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