I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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