Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
