Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
