TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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