I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
they need to just BURY HIM!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
