no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
