is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
