SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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