remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
