why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
