Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
