Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
