Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Randomize
