to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
