I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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