Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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