i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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