i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
