Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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