god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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