Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
