wat bout pragnant strippers??
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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