my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
