apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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