id be glad to
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
