Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a search helicopter?!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
