ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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