I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
