I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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