Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Randomize
