dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
