What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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