And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize