and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
