If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
