i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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