Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
