He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
