Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
