Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
