I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
