you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
